Saturday, July 7, 2012

Introduction - Living in a Fog

We all have difficult things that we face in our lives.  Broken relationships, illness, death, poverty.  I have not had to walk a very hard path most of my life, but I have had struggles.  I have faced tough times and been brought through a few fires.  I have relied on my God to bring me through these things.  His grace is unmatched.  I would love to share my story with you and give a voice to what daily life is like living with fibromyalgia and fighting it!

My journey with fibromyalgia began in November of 2011.  After living with severe pain in my legs & feet for over a year, getting worse as time went on, my husband convinced me to see a Dr. and figure out what could be wrong.  I was tired all the time and felt like I was living in a fog.  Whatever was going on was really interfering with my life & my ability to be a parent & keeper of my home.

At the time, I was 33 and stay at home mom of a 13, 10 and 2 year old.  Every day I would wake up and feel like I’d been hit by a truck.  Everything hurt.  I felt swollen and achy from my feet to my fingertips, up to my neck, jaw and top it off with a headache some days.  My joints were the worst.  I could tell what kind of day it was going to be by how much it hurt to walk down the stairs.  On the bad days I felt like my bones would snap as I took one step at a time gripping the railing for dear life.  I would get kids off to school and then sit on the couch and try to wake up for around 2 hours, or go back to bed for a few hours depending on how late my 2 year old would sleep.  Once I actually felt awake around lunch time, I could usually get ONE thing done during the day.  One errand, clean One area of the house, One playdate.  It wasn’t good if I tried to do more.  I often pushed myself though.  Just get one more thing done, or run in the store really quick.  That always led straight to a crash.  I was always forgetting meetings, or phone calls to make, appointments, or some other household tasks, or cancelling plans because I just couldn’t leave the house.  I tried to play and engage with my 2 year old, but more often than not, I couldn’t do much.  I couldn’t even take him to the park.   Just the thought of that made me tired.
For me, when I say I feel “tired” that usually means that my entire body is SCREAMING at me to “Stop Stop Stop!!!  Sit down!  Rest!  You can’t go on!”  It’s an all-consuming feeling of being overwhelmed and exhausted.  My mind would fog over & I was done.  Out.

I don’t know how I made it through dinner time most days.  Usually around 4pm I would start to head downhill.  Just in time for the older kids to come home and need help with homework (that I couldn’t do because I couldn’t even think) or be driven to some activity. The pain in my legs was more than I could bear by that time of day.  My husband would come home from work and watch me as I literally cried just standing up & walking some nights.  Forget cleaning up dinner.  I would park myself on the couch after eating and there I would stay until bed time where I would become so stiff and sore it hurt to move.  I was exhausted, yet I would dread going to sleep because I knew how bad I was going to feel when I woke up.

This is how I lived for a year.  Feeling like a failure at life.  Ineffective for ministry.  Wondering if this was just “getting older.”   I was ready for answers.  I was ready to have my life back.  I had hope.  I know that God can heal.  I myself have experienced a miracle in emotional healing.  I just didn’t know how long my journey with this would be.  Would you like to walk out of the fog with me?


  1. Other than our ages... My story is much the same! You describe it perfectly... Only someone that has walked in our
    shoes can understand! Thanks for trying to share and make others aware of this condition.

  2. You are describing my day exactly!! I too, struggle with only being able to do 1 thing per day and sometimes not even 1 gets done! I tend to overdo it when I am having a "good" day, which by normal standards is definitely subpar when dealing with FMS. A good day for us is not being in bed all day, which hurts just as much as getting out of bed.. Unless you have experienced this type of pain, fog, fatigue, and utter despair, you can't understand what it's like. I'm so thankful that God introduced us and that you are bravely sharing your story! I'm right there with ya!!

    1. Thanks for reading Kristie! I am so glad God brought us together! Praying for you friend!